Ghost Recon...Mediocre Warfighter

So the reviews are in for the latest Tom Clancy Ghost Recon video game, Advanced Warfighter, and unfortunately for Xbox owners, it appears that those like me who were content on sticking with the current-gen version for now, will also need to be content with playing an inferior version of the game.

The overall consensus is that the Xbox game pales in comparison to the 360 version- not only in graphics, which any senile old man could have told you, but also surprisingly in gameplay. This is extremely disappointing for people like me who've been anxiously awaiting this game's release since seeing the amazing teaser footage shown at E3 last May. It's hard to believe that Ubisoft, the game publisher for this title, could not find a way to create a comparable Xbox experience to the 360 version, given the fact that EA was able to pull it off just recently with Fight Night Round 3. It seems like a case of rushing a product out the door before working out all the kinks, which is a bit odd considering that there are still today only a hand full of people in the video game community that own a 360 and have the ability to play the 360 version vs. the millions of Xbox owners out there. Cheap mofos.

If you're going to push out a game that was meant only to be played on a 360, why short change your audience and release a sub-par product that in essence emulates only a fraction of its original vision? Why even bother with an Xbox version? WHY? I'll tell you why- it's all about the Benjamin$. However, at some point there needs to be a threshold of what is an acceptable version of a cross-console game and what is utter camel piss. 'We need to take out the third-person over-the-shoulder gameplay option.' Okay, I can accept that. 'The player will only be able to control 1 additional soldier on the Xbox vs. a squad of 4 on the 360.' Seems like this kind of takes away from whole 'squad' based theme to the Clancy series, but okay, that too I guess I can accept. But once you start changing up things like player movement capabilities, HUD display functionality, and (don't even go there) weaponry (oh yes they did), what the hell are you offering other than a mod of the last Ghost Recon game.

If this is what the future holds for current-generation games, it won't be long until I'll be forced to drop $399+ on a new system to be able to play any half decent new games. Fortunate for me, there are still a good selection of 'new-classics' I have yet to play like Ninja Gaiden and Burnout Revenge that'll extend my Xbox life span a few more months.

R.I.P. Chef

It's a sad day in the cartoon world. No, Chuck Jones is already dead. Sorry, Walter Lantz already bit the dust too (coincidentally today is exactly the twelve year anniversary since Mr. Lantz's kicked the bucket).

Yes, the portly, black, love machine/cook with the deep voice, simply known as 'Chef', was fatally wounded yesterday when he fell off a wooden bridge after it caught fire by a sudden bolt by lightening, impaled by a tree branch upon tumbling down the rocky cliff face, shot in the body by rifle fire, mauled by a mountain lion, then by a grizzly bear. For you sickos into snuff films, you can witness the horrible turn of events unfold here:



Not since the death of Maude Flanders on the Simpsons has there been such a devastating loss to the animated character community.

We will miss you jolly old fat man, and your salty balls...even if you're a crazed Scientologist*

DAMMNNNN YOOOOU CRUISE!!!!

*For more back story of the demise of Chef, click here.

Video Game Podcast Spotlight - Gamespot vs. IGN - Which One Sucketh?

Although I don't purchase and play as many games regularly as I'd like to on my Xbox, I keep in touch with what's going on in the industry by visiting daily Gamespot.com and IGN.com, two of the most popular sites for video game news and info. For the longest time, I considered these two sites on equals footing, in terms of providing the most comprehensive coverage in games. They both provide essentially the same news, same videos clips, same screenshots. If I was looking for the scoop on the latest anticipated game, it would be rare that I would find different info that would not be other's site (mostly recent followings include Fight Night Round 3 (purchased), G.R. Advanced Warfighter, Black.)

Only recently have I begin subscribing to each of their weekly podcasts, and only now have I realize just how superior Gamespot is at covering video games over IGN. To put it bluntly, IGN's podcast licks the balls- it's as if you were listening to Ben Stein and Jim Lehrer do the play by play and color commentary for Monday Night Friggin' Football. Who could imagine video games could sound so insipid and stale? At one point I wondered if I accidentally was listening to an NPR podcast and the Story of the Day was how attendees at E3 this year would react to the recent crackdown of booth babes wearing scantily clad clothing.

Listening to the Gamespot's The HotSpot podcast, on the otherhand, is like overhearing a heated debate at a college bar among a table of guys over which movie sequel is the best of all time (in my book, Aliens wins by a tight margin over Empire.) These guys, and the occasional girl, have a blast, cracking satirical jokes, riffin' on each other, and making occaisional references to 80's glam-rock, the Simpsons, and D list actors, while still providing insightful and eclectic commentary about the latest video game news of the week. They add personality and a voice that this 31 year old can relate to and appreciate. Slightly silly and immature? Absolutely. But isn't that what video games are all about? It's friggin video games for cripes sake. If I wanted spend my commute to work listening to deep, stagnant dialogue about how to win the latest war game in modern combat, I'll listen to Tim Russert's Meet the Press podcast.

Back from Mormon Mountain

Just returned back from Utah last night...mentally preparing myself to the grind of the office tomorrow after avoiding being 'wired-in' for a full week- although I unfortunately did have access to the Internet and used it for a few minutes on Wednesday to get my NCAA bracket in...not that I have any idea who has won or lost since the tournament started. I'm not even sure if there's money to be won in the pool that I signed up last minute- which brings me to question: 'What's the friggin' point'?

No injuries to report other than a bruised left knee from plowing into an ice boulder on the back Bowl at Snowbird on Thursday. I was glad to see that my bindings worked properly, releasing my skis upon impact, as they should when they are propelled at high speeds into an object of significant mass, thus allowing me to be hurled through the air with minimal wind resistance to ensure maximum distance from the impact point.

It appears that I missed only two big news items this past week that caught my eye this morning:

1) PS3 is now launching in November as opposed to Spring- Who didn't see that coming.
Prepare to be trampled over for this on Black Friday '06.






2) Jaromir Jagr hit the 100 point mark this season just last night as the NY Rangers dominated the Toronto Maple Leafs, 5-2.

With this milestone, he passes Rod Gilbert's record of most points in a season by a right winger, and becomes the 6th Ranger in franchise history to reach 100 points in a season- the last time that happened was when Mark Messier and Brian Leetch did it in '91-'92. It's been a long time coming that New York Ranger fans had something to cheer about this shit-box team. After 7+ years, it looks like this could be the season that spells the end of an era of pure garbage. The season ain't over yet, but with only 15 games left, and still leading the Atlantic conference over the Philadelphia Flyers, it's hard to imagine that the Rangers won't not make the playoffs this year. It's about friggin' time.

Packing for a Ski Trip, or the Apocalypse?

I should be packing now, but I'm not. It's not that I'm a procrastinator...well, who am I friggin' kidding. In 24 hours I'll be in Park City Utah with several friends and will begin an eight day ski trip out West. I'm extremely 'stoked' (how that for West Coast powder talk), though, eight days is a long time, and the challenge I face figuring out what should I bring to keep me entertained is a difficult one. My company of friends will be terrific as it's been a several weeks since I've seen many of them (we all had the good fortune of deciding to get sodomized by the New York City real estate market after college and continue to dwell in the surrounding metropolitan area.) One could argue that with great friends, does anyone needs anything else? Hell bloody yes. Verbal human stimulation will only go so far with me. They'll be skiing of course, perhaps I'll try taking up snowboarding...though probably not. But what else could I bring to ensure I make the most of my time away from this bastard place called work? I came up with a short list:

Books? Reading is fun-demental!

Cards and poker chips? With a chance to make this an expense-free trip, why not?

Skiis and boots? If you got 'em use 'em!

Snowshoes? I just got these for my birthday, and if I don't use them now, when will I ever?

Running shoes? If snowshoeing is too slow, I have an plan B.

Hiking boots? If running is too fast, I have a plan C.

Hiking poles? Because people hiking look cooler with poles. Plus I will be prepared to defend myself if perchance I am assaulted by a threatening human, bear, or large rodent of extraordinary size)

Laptop? Because writing on pen and pad is stone age! Welcome to the 21st century son! Plus, my hands miss the feeling of carpal tunnel syndrome if I'm not typing by 10am.

Xbox? Considering my friends don't have Xbox Live, playing 4 way Halo 2 with people who aren't 10th grade racists from Tennessee will be a refreshing change.

Hmmm, looking at this list, bringing all this crap may be a bit of overkill. Considering I'm 5' 8", 160 lbs., (though 100% pure unadulterated muscle....and bones....and fat), once I have everything packed in my bag, including clothes and toiletries, I may resemble something like this:

Poor little tyke.

Or this:

Perhaps I should rethink my list...

The 78th Oscars May Be Over...

But the Brokeback spoofs keep a comin'! You'd think this joke would get tired already (some of you may already think so), but personally, I can't get enough of them. Why? Not really sure. I think I simply enjoy ambiguiously gay humor...don't we all? But what I think I appreciate even more in these instances is the ingenuity involved behind these spoofs. There are some really creative mofos out there...with lots of time. This iteration uses more scene references than previous mashups, with inspiration drawn from the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe cartoon series. So those of you who've seen Brokeback will get more here than those who haven't.

I predict in the not too distant future an annual awards show is created to celebrate the best of these mashups and machinima. Regarding the latter, below is one of my personal favorites other than the Red vs Blue series. Using the Half Life 2 engine, someone recreated the courtroom finale scene from A Few Good Men...aptly titled A Few Good G-Men (the pun is obvious to those who get it).

The Snapshot- Vol. 2

Another snapshot of what I've been consuming in recent weeks.







Books:
The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini
I don't often read fiction, but I needed a break from the political/military genre a bit and this was recommended to me. Incredible read. A man's story of redemption from a childhood experience that haunts him for over twenty years, Hosseini moves, enlightens and immerses you in the rich Afghan culture and history rarely exposed to Americans.

DVDs:
OLDBOY
This is one messed up movie. A Korean psychological thriller about a man who one day finds himself locked in a room where he's trapped for fifteen years, the story is a rollercoaster ride of twists and turns that gradually unfolds into one big mind fuck. Not since The Sixth Sense and Se7en have there been so many 'holy shit' moments in a film, this hands down takes the cake. With lots o' graphic violence to boot, this is not a date movie.

Movies:
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
I finally saw this film last night in pre-Oscars preparation, and I really enjoyed it. Beautifully shot, thought-provoking in its depiction of two men's struggle to bury themselves behind a facade of the mid-western 'Marlboro Man', what shocked me wasn't the 'man on man' action, but rather that the chick from The Princess Diaries showed her muffins on screen. What would Julie Andrews think!

Games:
FIGHT NIGHT ROUND 3 (Xbox)
Any game that I can digitally re-create myself to pummel the crap out of people, I'm sold. As the name indicates, this is the 3rd iteration of the EA Sports boxing franchise. Enhanced features, including more customization in fighting styles and a more balanced gameplay, make this game worth picking up. The analog joystick total punch control system allows you to feel the veracity of the punches you throw, evolving the gameplay experience of this genre to a whole new level. There's nothing more satisfying than throwing down against boxing's best and creating boxers out of people you know and beating the ever loving piss out of them.

TV:
PROJECT RUNWAY (still)
All I care about on TV right now is if Santino will win Project Runway in this week's finale.
Chloe, from the looks of it, your designs seem to have an 'marshmallow man' theme to them.
Daniel V., those hand bags you created from 8th grade woodshop class with be your downfall.

Music:
Music from TV commercials
I've recently added two new links on my sidebar: Adtunes blog and Song Title Info from TV Commercials. If you've ever caught a commercial and wanted to know what song that was, these links should come in handy. If you find the song and like it enough, drop down $.99 after finding it on iTunes search. My latest grab- Paul Oakenfeld's "Ready, Steady, Go" from Saab's latest spot.

When Hollywood Runs Out of Catchy Movie Titles...

...They Will Recycle The Old Ones (and confuse the hell out of people).

Case in point: there's a film out now in theaters (though not for long) called Running Scared, starring Paul Walker, better known for his character driven roles in 2 Fast 2 Furious and Meet the Deedles. Now, I admit, I haven't seen this movie, and neither has most of America it seems ($3MM opening weekend), but from what I've read about it, this is in no way, shape or form a 'remake' or 'inspired by' the 1986 buddy cop comedy classic of the same name, starring Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal. That pisses me off.

As you can see from the images above, the only other thing these two films seem to have in common other than sharing the same name is that both poster design firms decided that red would be the best color to treat the title. How could New Line taint such a semi-decent 80's comedy flick with this dilapidated action-thriller drek!? If someone mentions Running Scared in the future, will people now first think of the shitty gangster movie starring that 2 Fast 2 Furious guy? That would be a low down dirty shame.

My question to the studio is, did they not have a $1,000 to hire a copywriter to come up with some original catchy title options? Perhaps they knew this movie was going to bomb like Hezbollah so they purposely gave it a recycled name thinking that perhaps fans of the 1986 movie would run to the theaters thinking it's a remake. Dumb asses! It's a sad state of the film industry, especially now more than ever, when studios are hedging their bets on remakes (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), sequels (Rocky 6), and adaptations (The DaVinci Code), that these mofos can't even come up with an original name for a crappy movie!

What absolutely kills me, after doing some further digging, was that I discovered that the 1986 Hines/Crystal Running Scared wasn't even an original title when it came out either! WHAT THE BLOODCLOT!!! There was a movie of the same damn name back in 1980 starring Ken Wahl (know for TV's Wiseguy), and Judge Reinhold (Fast Times at Ridgemont High). Unbelievable. I guess these shenanigans have been going on for a while.

I started to think about what other movies share this multiple personality trait, movies with the same title but completely different plots altogether, knowing that there has to be a few more of these chumps out there. I didn't have to look far in cinematic history to find one: Crash. Yes, this year's Oscar nominated film for Best Picture is a friggin' doppleganger. The other film of the same name if you can recall came out in the mid 90's, directed by David Cronenberg, and starred James Spader as a man who after a having a car accident, develops a sexual fetish toward car crashes. Not necessarily Oscar material.

If you think of any others that fit the bill, send me a post.