Think Cold

With a heat wave smothering most of this country starting this week, temperatures will be approaching 100 in several states, including New York. I can't help but think of that Twilight

I sweat...alot. Whether it's biking, running, climbing stairs, walking, or breathing, I've been known to emit more water through my skin's pores than any other human I've ever encountered. So when I see others experience in 95 degree temperatures what I normally experience at 65 degrees, I have to admit, I get a certain level of satisfaction- as if to say 'welcome to my world.' A point to clarify: although I claim to have superhuman perspiration, body odor doesn't seem to run a proportional course in my physiological make up. Serendipitously, I don't stink nearly as much as I sweat.
I first became aware of my 'porous' condition one hot summer day in second grade. Upon hearing the lunch bell sound calling for the end of recess, I found myself exhausted from an intense game of Tag. While lining up to return to our classroom, a classmate noticed that

I've learned since that day on the playground how to use this condition to my advantage; I've learned that a sweaty body in contact sports like basketball, football, and wrestling can play to one's advantage, proving to be a formidable challenge to defend against.
I've also learned to manage around it as well; on job interviews, I frequently carry a few paper towels in my pocket to control me schwetty hands, and on my wedding day I even had extra tuxedo shirts on hand as backup during the reception, in case the outdoor festivities became too hot to handle that August day.
It's hard out here for a sweaty pimp.
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